Wednesday, May 23, 2007

The Daily Mail proves itself to be at the forefront of scientific reporting with this story. Apparently:

“Parents can predict their children's exam performance simply by looking at their hands, according to research.”

Excellent. I look forward to their next science exclusive. Perhaps they will reveal that you can tell who is a criminal by look at their physical features. Or that you can ascertain whether someone is a witch by looking for witches’ marks. Whatever happens, I am sure we can rely on The Daily Mail to keep us up to date with ground breaking scientific breakthroughs.


Monday, May 21, 2007

Tag Lines

I have been trying to think up tag lines for The Daily Mail Tendency's banner and have managed to come up with:

The Daily Mail Tendency: Because We Love To Hate The Paper That Loves To Hate.

Unfortunately that was so terrible and so cheesy it made me feel slightly sick. Anyone else got any suggestions?

Labels: ,

I Am Spartacus!

Tim Worstall goes through a detailed deconstruction of The Daily Hate's attack on blogger Owen Barder.

Go take a look.

Labels: ,

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Pete Doherty, Daily Mail Hero

In perhaps one of the worst and most pointless stories I have ever seen in print, The Daily Mail seems to embrace one of their hate figures - Pete Doherty. And what has the Babyshambles junkie - a man who The Daily Hate usually speaks of in the same tones as Adolf Hitler - done to warrant the comment "he's a big softie at heart"? He's been photographed with a kitten.

Here's the calibre of the publication we are dealing with, people. Here's the logic:

Junkie = evil.

Junkie with kitten = big softie.

It is difficult to describe the utter contempt I feel for this worthless rag of a tabloid.

Labels: ,

Monday, May 14, 2007

Rape! Rape!

Oil seed rape, that is. Although judging by the tone of this article, you would be forgiven for thinking it was about a serious sexual assault.

"Peter Hallam had never suffered hay fever before but as soon as fields of oil seed rape planted near his home burst into bloom he had problems breathing and his eyes grew painfully swollen."

Suffering from both asthma and hay fever I get similar symptoms. As do probably thousands - if not millions - of people around the country. Difference is that we don't run to The Daily Hate to bellyache about it.

"The 60-year-old teacher packed his bags on doctor's orders and spent £700 to stay in a city hotel to escape the pungent yellow fields."

Job and age irrelevant to the story. I doubt the doctor ordered him to spend £700 on hotels. Any reason why he couldn't stay with relatives or friends? And it may be time to change doctors, because my doctor simply prescribes steroids and anti-histamines to combat hay fever and asthma symptoms. Rather than ordering me to flee.

On his symptoms Hallam states:

"I became very allergic to it, my eyes swelled up. I had difficulty breathing, I was unable to see because my eyes were bunged up and they became terribly irritated. I wanted to scratch them all the time."

Again, very much like hay fever and asthma. That many, many, many people suffer from but endure and get on with things without bellyaching in a tabloid rag. But he goes on:

"It was the last resort. I had to stop work and go away. It was fairly drastic. It took at least 24 hours for it to settle down to a reasonable level. Jennifer had to go home to look after the dog so I was on my own. It was miserable. I didn't feel right. I felt like one eye was looking one way and the other was looking the other. I was holed up for five days. It wasn't a particularly nice experience and was quite expensive too."

Self-pitying crap. And again, you chose where to stay, Mr Hallam. And it will be expensive if you stay at £140 a day hotel.

But it is not just the self-pitying crap that riles me. There is an unpleasant undertone to all this - that there is someone to blame, and the farmers are committing some sort of crime or sin by planting oil seed rape. Ms King, Hallam's partner, says:

"It raises the question, is this happening across the land? A lot of people we have spoken to have said the oil seed rape is affecting them. I do think there are potentially hundreds of people suffering because of oil seed rape."

Again, hay fever is common. But a few hundred people is next to nothing in a population of 60 billion.

"I know it has terrific properties and is a great money spinner perhaps that why we are seeing so much more of it."

Quite. And in view of the "terrific properties" I am prepared to endure your husband's and - when I go into the countryside - my own symptoms. Plus, by Hallam's own admission, the doctor cannot prove that there is a link between the oil seed rape and his allergies.

"There needs to be a study on how it affects people's health. We are surrounded by it here, it is all around us and there is nothing we can do to escape it."

Except your husband did escape it...

"Had we have known he would be affected like this we probably wouldn't have chosen to live here but we cannot move now, it's not easy to move now."

Why is not easy to move? Put the house on the market and see what happens. But FYI - if you bellyache too much about the surrounding area, you might put people off. I realise this should be immediately fucking obvious to all but the terminally dense, but these people do seem stunned to find out that hay fever exists.

In summary - Hallam - get over yourself and shut up. Take some anti-histamines, get on with your life, and shut up. Or move house and shut up. But the emphasis is very much on you shutting up.

And to The Daily Mail - you actually call a man suffering from bad hay fever news?

Labels: , ,

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Proof read your fucking paper!

Daily Mail headline:

"The amazing little and large identical twins."

First line of the article:

"Here is one pair of twin brothers that few will have any difficulty telling apart."

Right. So the kids are identical, but can easily be identified from each other. Are the standards of this crap rag so low that they are happy to contradict the headline in the first line of the article? Did no-one notice that the headline doesn't make sense? Does no-one double check this crap before it goes to press?


Check the comments section for an interesting observation from DK about what makes an identical twin. Turns out The Daily Hate may have be technically right in their use of terminology. Ah well, you can't be right all the time, just as they cannot be wrong all the time.

Labels: ,

Thursday, May 03, 2007

"Hateful, Hateful rag"

Jackart tears into The Daily Mail for hounding a man out of the closet and then pretty much destroying him. Go read it all - it nicely sums up why so many people cannot stand The Daily Hate.